Chemo started early with the wait for blood test results which turn out to be fine. I’m given a sedative routinely, I’m not sure why. It turns out to be an antihistamine which can be bought over the counter. I’m being given ten times the doze intravenously. I try to watch a truly impossibly weird film by a French psychoanalyst, called “Holy Mountain”. Several packets of biscuits and lunch comes and I warm up a bit from the freezing cap (hair disappearing from everywhere but my head – to bring you up to date). I fall asleep almost immediately and am tapped awake by a nurse. I’m snoring so loudly that I’m interfering with everyone’s ability to think. How embarrassing! Ten minutes later, I can’t help myself and I fall asleep again.
This time I let out a snore which is so loud I wake myself up. I look around and everyone is gone. Where did all the patients go? The nurses are huddled at their station far enough away. What did I do?
Now I’m home taking all the pills in some sort of order. A friend comes home and starts talking about a lecture on Quantum physics he has been listening to. We listen together as he pontificates. I feel nauseous. I feel like Galileo’s wife who was worried about the bills and the shopping while he was looking through his telescopes. I was contemplating where I was going to go (bathroom, bedroom, bedroom, bathroom) when I got sick and he was contemplating the mysteriousness of the universe and that we created the universe through our consciousness. It all can be found in
The God Theory: Universes, Zero-point Fields, and What’s Behind it All
By the time we finished this strange dialogue – me thinking V, N (vomiting, nausea), my friend thinking atoms appearing in more than one place at once – I realised it was all over my head including why I needed to take a huge tranquilizer to get through Chemo which is essentially painless. I bet they cut down the dosage next time. No-one ever wants to hear me snore including my friend right now.
And so to bed.