My mother wrote the following poem at age 67:
On Old Age
When I was a child,
My mother said,
“You have to be polite.”
“She is your grandmother,
She is your aunt,
They are older,
You have to be polite.”
“One day,” I said,
“I will be old,
I will no longer be polite.”
When I was a wife,
My husband said,
“You have to be polite.”
“He is the boss,
He is the customer,
It’s my job,
You have to be polite.”
“One day,” I asaid,
“There will be no job,
I will no longer be polite.”
I am no longer a child.
I am no longer a wife.
The once old are dead,
The pension is paid.
I am very rude.
No one cares,
No one listens,
It’s no fun.
~Miriam Girsh (August 6, 1980)
(link to original)
I’m writing this blog in the tone of her poem. I hope I can be rude enough. This blog is dedicated to my mother’s sardonic humor. I called her Mim (never mother). She died of breast cancer at 78. I’m 72. I hope I live to be her age and can go on blogging.
Before surgery, radiation and chemo
My name is Marjorie Walker. Welcome to my blog, especially if you take or would like to experience your cancer philosophically and even with a bit of humor. If your reaction is ‘the deer in the headlights’ syndrome maybe some of this iconoclasm will help or make you angry.
I’ve had breast cancer for over fifteen years. I had three bouts with remissions lasting about four years; this is my fourth bout. Before I started blogging I’d had oral chemo for six months, followed by three operations; and radiation and intravenous chemo started the same time I decided to blog. (I’ve lost the use of one vocal cord and writing is my communication of choice.)
I live in central London and am privileged by postcode, many resources and a support team. I can only share my life and can’t pretend that I’m not lucky. The second time I had cancer I gave into it. I felt that I was on death’s door and my friends now tell me that they thought the end had come.
I was very sick a lot of the time and my couch became home. I had hypnotherapy (at home), Pilates (at home), a carer overnight, someone preparing meals and I spent chemo treatments in the hospital, sometimes for four days. Hair fell out, full side effects, tired to the point of not being able to make a cup of tea and looked terrible and saw that fright reflected in my friend’s faces. This time I am not going to let that happen. I’m going to try to make most days count. In this way the blog is a challenge to make that happen.
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hi there marg
just wanted to say hello .. rawle sent me your blog … maybe see you before the year is out?
How is mike doing?
Liz xx
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marj ..you are never afraid to say what most are scared to even think ..inspirational blog ..it has gone around the globe already ..as i think you will see in due course
i don’t know where i would be without you and your wisdom.
to have one sage for a mother is a blessing ..but to have 2 is extraordinarily special ..
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Dear Marj,
This is a first for me to have read a blog – any blog – and I read all of yours because it is so witty and interesting! I forwarded to a friend in San Francisco going through her second round with breast cancer. As Rawle says, your inspirational blog has gone around the world already.
Thinking of you from over here in San Francisco,
with love,
Kath
(Rawle’s friend from Millfield, Imperial College, and onwards…!). -
This is great Marge. I look forward to future reports. x
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Oh. And Arnie Roth is a great pal of Dan’s and mine.
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Hi Marj!
Great to see you online – all the very, very best – will stay in touch with your progress here… inspirational, something that I value hugely.
I’m releasing a new single “Every Drop Counts!” for the mother/baby charity based as Queen Charlotte’s where I was born…
I hope mother will like it and I’m absolutely sure she’s keeping a very close eye on you too! It’s people like you that make people like Rawle and myself who we are – thank you!
Sedleigh -
Hi marj
great site. you really are amazing. see you soon.
love Asa and Anthony
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Hi Marjorie
Just been on the phone to Asa who told me about your blog. Wonderfully written with great humour.
Good for you ditching the cold cap. You were braver than me to even try it! Off to get second set of wigs today as my first lot are just about “done in”.
Keep your spirits up and your blog!
Love from
Diane (Davies)
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Marj, yours is the first blog I’ve ever read and it’s inspirational. Let’s shout it out..”We’re not dead yet”. I hope to spend many more evenings like tonight enjoying you, us and everyone. love, paul
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Dear Marjorie
I am trying to trace the author Marjorie Walker who has written on child development. If you are the same Marjorie Walker I would be very grateful if you could contact me at the email address provided.
I look forward to hearing from you.
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Hi Marjorie
I hope you are doing OK. Love reading your blog. I finally picked up the book, which you recommended to me, from Daunts yesterday. It is very interesting and very helpful. Well, it has made me feel I am not going completely insane!
Keep up the good work.
Best wishes,
Diane
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Marge, I have loved you since the first time we met. You were never polite and you never said the appropriate thing, and I guess that’s what i love most about you. the blog is great and so are you! I remember your mother and you are very much like her, I guess. Talented, smart and unusual. Much love, Merle
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Marge,
As it turns out, obstinacy can be its own reward. Hang in there, girlfriend.
Love, Danny
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Hi Marge,
I often think about you and the memorable years at Conway Street. I enjoyed reading your take on the election, mind you I also remmber a framed betting slip with a £10 bet on Jesse jackson to be President (Rawle did point out it was more of a statement of faith than a financial gambit!!)
Hope you are feeling as well as is posssible
love JJ x
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dear margie,
loved having the lunch you organized, delivered and served during my work break yesterday. thank you so much.
you certainly are amusing, insightful and spirited in person and in blog.
hope we meet up soon. you inspired me to figure out a way to wrench myself away from my country spot and go to the theater some time in london.
much love and please come visit us > the menagerie and me….
jude -
Hi Margie
Sent you an e mail awhile back — thinking of you with love and admiration.
As I type this I begin my own chemo process_
– stage 3c breast cancer — boobies removed 6 weeks ago today. Am in mostly very good spirits
would love to catch up with you when your schedule allows.Sending lots of LOVE
Jane xxoo
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Hi Marge,
Haven’t read your blog for a long time and decided to “check in”. You are amazing – I love the humour and candid way in which you write. It brings a smile to my face every time.
Hang on in there and keep these blogs coming.
Love D xx
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Hi Marjorie I met you with Susan Rothchild I wish you strength to go onward and keep fighting the good fight hoping it might get easier love DIna Knapp Miami Beach OXXOOXXO keep on keeping on
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Hi Marjorie. I stumbled over your blog. My mom died recently from a lymphoma. Diagnosis to death in less than 6 weeks. I am past the
deer-in-the-headlights phase but into the flat-to-angry phase. I find
reading your postings therapeutic.
Good luck and keep up the good fight. -
hello marjorie,
i sent a link of your blog to a good friend richard martin – who has been a great supporter and cheerleader for the arts – he has just been diagnosed with bowel and liver cancer and is about to start chemotherapy next week.
i missed you very much in athens and socrates sends his love! : ) i hope you got the pics i sent of the installation..
all love
martinx -
Hi!
I thought I’d reach out to you to ask whether you’d be interested in helping me promote our breast cancer campaign on your blog.
We’ve partnered with the Feel Your Boobies Foundation to donate $20 for each “Hope Bracelet” sold during the month of October. With so few days left this month, I want to end on a high note! The other detail is that that means I need a pretty quick turnaround (tomorrow would be ideal).
http://www.amoro.com/Amoro-Hope-Pink-Enamel-Heart-And-Pearl-Bracelet-23029B
I’d like to pay for your effort. Do you think you would like to help?
Look forward to your reply,
~tameesha
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Hi Marj,
I was listening to Radio 6 at the weekend and heard a tune that we used to listen to all the time back at Conway St – I’ve not heard it since, so it brought back a flood of memories from those years when you were kind enough to let us hang out there so often. I guess we didn’t often say “thanks” properly at the time so in case we didn’t…THANKS!
I don’t know if Rawle said but I’m living up in Glasgow now with my family – Sam, Tula (7), Santi (6) – which is real blast but we get down to London infrequently. I guess everyone’s a bit scattered now.
I hope you’re bearing up OK – I know from Rawle it’s been very tough at times and perhaps especially now.
Best wishes,
TG
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hey marj!
i’m joe. one of the many kids that used to hang out at your house on conway street in the 80’s and early 90’s. you were such a lovely woman – great sanctuary for kids that could have gone wrong. i believe your spirit will see you past 78 and when you give up it will be for some other reason like – they don’t make spare parts like the ones you want.
keep strong – coz we are giving you love all the way from zambia. -
Looking forward to seeing you when I return in March. The family have been back in Welbeck Street since July. Two losses to the dreaded “C” in one weekend. A 41 year friend with two young girls and the priest that baptised Richard and Lee in Southwark Cathedral. Less that 8 weeks from being a symptomatic to closure. Google The Rt Rev Colin Slee. Fight the good fight so we can enjoy a bit more of each others company.
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Hey Marj, just wanted to let you know I’m still out here in the bleachers, cheering you on. BFAC is my only internet home, you,however seem to be at home everywhere. Again, happiest of birthdays tomorrow. Hope you are able to enjoy the holidays with loved ones far and near.
Love and peace.
xoxo -
A belated Happy Birthday and New Year, Margie! Scott and I are having a Sunday brunch-in-bed champagne toast to you this morning…so, for us today is YOUR special day to be remembered. I canceled my flight to Ft. Lauderdale because of the ice storms over Dallas/Houston…admittedly, a coward in the air (some pilot’s daughter!). Will be strolling on that funky Hollywood Beach boardwalk on Wednesday, wishing we were having lunch at one of the French (Canadian) cafes. We are wishing very hard for these next two months to pass as quickly as possible for you…so you can relax at poolside at the Standard (in March?). I am reading a grand historical novel…Ward Hall (Booker Prize ‘09)…and recommend it for intelligent and captivating diversion. I am actually lugging the big hardback all the way to the beach because I can’t possibly finish before I leave home. So many things to share and get caught up on…Santa Fe or Bust in 2011?! Hope so. Love and hugs, Barbara (and Scott)
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Marjorie
I can’t even begin to tell you how much I hate cancer. It is trying to confuse my life and is taking over my family with misunderstanding. I feel cancer is in me but it’s is not really me. It]s just a hiding virus. I love what you mother wrote. Words have many answers and are so strong they can move mountains. Best of luck to you and your family.
Ed -
I don’t know what to say. My cancer was so easy. Just three rounds of chemo and it was gone. Then 17 days of radiation to be sure and I was through. Five months from beginning to end. Was I lucky? I don’t believe in luck. Things are what they are. You must be one hell of a gal to fight through all your stuff. Oh, and I could relate to the poem. I have been accused of being rude. The expectations of others are interesting to say the least. I am also 71 in years, but that only measures time, not the crux of a person. Much to do about nothing. Take care. . . Mary Margaret
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Hello Marjorie
We’ve not met. I’m a friend of Rawle, who introduced me to your blog. We were chatting this morning and I told him that I couldn’t remember having read anything that combined funny and touching as well as your blog does.
My grandmother died a few weeks ago (blessedly of old age rather than cancer). She would have loved your blog too. She spent the last weeks of her life taking a good deal of morphine for back pain. And there were times when her mind was more or less non-functional. But I also had some brilliant, lucid and important conversations with her during that time. I hope very much that you enjoy the same with your loved ones.
With best wishes
Ben Hodgson
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hi marjorie, u r GREAT! i wish i had ur sense of humour!
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Dear Marjorie, we met last year at Harley St. Only once so you probably don’t remember but you gave me your blog address and I have been reading it all ever since. My tumour was small thankfully but was offered Herceptin which means I’ve gone through 18 months of treatment.. I’ve only had to cope with weight gain and chipped fingernails and can’t imagine what you are going through. I’m 55years with a 14 year old daughter and my mother died of BC in 1983 at 54. I was so happy to pass that age and you will too! Yor blog is inspirational and fantastic, God bless you Marjorie you are an amazing lady., Thinking of you Jan
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Hi Marj
I have been reading your blog on and off since I came to see you and love it. I’m so glad that we connected up again last Friday having always enjoyed your quirky humour and interesting personality! Reading that entry about food reminded me of when we went to Prague and did a whistle stop tour round the best concerts/opera’s and ballets’ in between the best restaurants in town and the odd lecture at the conference we were meant to be attending. It was all rather full on and exciting but perhaps its how you’ve always lived your life – that is experiencing everything possible in it.
Marj and I trained together as Psychotherapists and had a good time. Marj was always making me laugh about some unlikely thing when we were meant to be seriously considering something meaningful. She has a great mind and always approach things from her own individual way. Sometimes she made me feel very english but she also brought out a light side in me which I loved. She was also amazingly and consistently generous especially where food came into things! She invariably hosted gatherings in her usual – I can cope with anything, slightly scatty way. We loved it.
So Marj – keep the blog going for as long as possible. I have been amused, informed, sad and full of admiration for your fight. I’m sure you’ve reached so many people with it and shared so much of yourself which both lightens and helps.
I’ll keep in touch and come and see you again. It was great to see you and to know that the Marj I know is fully herself despite the physical problems.
lots of love
Gill -
Hi Marjorie,
I admire your strength and courage and am sending you wishes of peace and comfort.
Best Wishes,
Sherri Hunter
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Dear Marjie. Not sure if you remember me but I was nanny to Chauncey and Berns Wolf now Rothchild. I am in communication with Suzie. I just wanted you to know that my memories of you are with much fondness. I wanted to relay my memories in Miami at your house and on Paradise Island:
You had the most beautiful long brown hair. You had the most sexy way of walking….swinging those hips!!! Those times at your house in the summer of 1972 were an eye opener gobs of fun for a 20 year old from London….those famous people that walked through your door. Not to mention regular people, hippies and whatever, it was never dull during the Republican Convention. It is in that hallway of your house that I will always remember beautful Suzie walking down the stairs when John was at the door and them meeting for the first time…. ha!! I still see Michael as that toe head blond five year old. Is he still blond?? I have a fun pics to send you of Mike at Suzie’s that I sent Suzie. Thinking of you with positive thoughts Marjie. Fight the fight; positive thoughts. Best wishes and hugs to you. Sally. sally.schubert@gmail.com -
Hello Marjorie,
I have never read a blog before but for some reason I just couldnt not read yours. You come across as a very brave person, full of life still!!! I am so sad to think of all that you have been through and I send you the warmest of wishes to you. I hope the time you have is filled with happy times and that you see and do all the things you wish to do. Please know that you are an inspiration to everyone! There are few people out there who are strong enough to react the way you have when faced with such difficulties. My mother was one of them and I feel the same from yourself! Best wishes to you. Jenni -
Rest in peace Marj.You will be missed by us all. God Bless.
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I miss you already. I hope to make it to 70 and wish to be just like you!
Love
Rest well
xoxo -
Thank you for all of your beautiful words.
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Hello Marjorie,
I am glad you commented on my blog about the crazy funeral parlor with their pink suits for breast cancer funerals. I found your blog and I love it. You have been through so much with breast cancer and I am working on getting my non-profit dedicated to advocating for people who have breast cancer and especially Stage IV. I started blogging while working on getting my company’s web site up.
But enough about me. I love your humor and I hope to live in to my 70’s. Your mother sounds like she was so special and so ahead of her time. You are so strong as you are facing so much at once. I am so glad I now get to continue to follow your story and I love some of the stories that people talked about you in the 70’s and all the fun people that would visit you. Such a funny cartoon of your mother. I will continue to follow you and thank you for this wonderful blog! -
I am sorry but I don’t see any recent posts. I hope you are resting in peace and to your family I am so sorry. What a great blog.
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