My mother wrote the following poem at age 67:
On Old Age
When I was a child,
My mother said,
“You have to be polite.”
“She is your grandmother,
She is your aunt,
They are older,
You have to be polite.”
“One day,” I said,
“I will be old,
I will no longer be polite.”
When I was a wife,
My husband said,
“You have to be polite.”
“He is the boss,
He is the customer,
It’s my job,
You have to be polite.”
“One day,” I asaid,
“There will be no job,
I will no longer be polite.”
I am no longer a child.
I am no longer a wife.
The once old are dead,
The pension is paid.
I am very rude.
No one cares,
No one listens,
It’s no fun.
~Miriam Girsh (August 6, 1980)
(link to original)
I’m writing this blog in the tone of her poem. I hope I can be rude enough. This blog is dedicated to my mother’s sardonic humor. I called her Mim (never mother). She died of breast cancer at 78. I’m 71. I hope I live to be her age and can go on blogging.
Before surgery, radiation and chemo
My name is Marjorie Walker. Welcome to my blog, especially if you take or would like to experience your cancer philosophically and even with a bit of humor. If your reaction is ‘the deer in the headlights’ syndrome maybe some of this iconoclasm will help or make you angry.
I’ve had breast cancer for over thirteen years. It comes back every four years and this is my third bout. This time I’ve had oral chemo for six months, three operations, radiation and intra-venous chemo that started the same time I decided to blog. (I’ve lost the use of one vocal cord and writing is my communication of choice.)
I live in central London and am privileged by postcode, many resources and a support team. I can only share my life and can’t pretend that I’m not lucky. The second time I had cancer I gave into it. I felt that I was on death’s door and my friends now tell me that they thought the end had come.
I was very sick a lot of the time and my couch became home. I had hypnotherapy (at home), Pilates (at home), a carer overnight, someone preparing meals and I spent chemo treatments in the hospital, sometimes for four days. Hair fell out, full side effects, tired to the point of not being able to make a cup of tea and looked terrible and saw that fright reflected in my friend’s faces. This time I am not going to let that happen. I’m going to try to make most days count. In this way the blog is a challenge to make that happen.
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hi there marg
just wanted to say hello .. rawle sent me your blog … maybe see you before the year is out?
How is mike doing?
Liz xx
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marj ..you are never afraid to say what most are scared to even think ..inspirational blog ..it has gone around the globe already ..as i think you will see in due course
i don’t know where i would be without you and your wisdom.
to have one sage for a mother is a blessing ..but to have 2 is extraordinarily special ..
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Dear Marj,
This is a first for me to have read a blog – any blog – and I read all of yours because it is so witty and interesting! I forwarded to a friend in San Francisco going through her second round with breast cancer. As Rawle says, your inspirational blog has gone around the world already.
Thinking of you from over here in San Francisco,
with love,
Kath
(Rawle’s friend from Millfield, Imperial College, and onwards…!). -
This is great Marge. I look forward to future reports. x
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Oh. And Arnie Roth is a great pal of Dan’s and mine.
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Hi Marj!
Great to see you online – all the very, very best – will stay in touch with your progress here… inspirational, something that I value hugely.
I’m releasing a new single “Every Drop Counts!” for the mother/baby charity based as Queen Charlotte’s where I was born…
I hope mother will like it and I’m absolutely sure she’s keeping a very close eye on you too! It’s people like you that make people like Rawle and myself who we are – thank you!
Sedleigh -
Hi marj
great site. you really are amazing. see you soon.
love Asa and Anthony
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Hi Marjorie
Just been on the phone to Asa who told me about your blog. Wonderfully written with great humour.
Good for you ditching the cold cap. You were braver than me to even try it! Off to get second set of wigs today as my first lot are just about “done in”.
Keep your spirits up and your blog!
Love from
Diane (Davies)
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Marj, yours is the first blog I’ve ever read and it’s inspirational. Let’s shout it out..”We’re not dead yet”. I hope to spend many more evenings like tonight enjoying you, us and everyone. love, paul
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Dear Marjorie
I am trying to trace the author Marjorie Walker who has written on child development. If you are the same Marjorie Walker I would be very grateful if you could contact me at the email address provided.
I look forward to hearing from you.
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Hi Marjorie
I hope you are doing OK. Love reading your blog. I finally picked up the book, which you recommended to me, from Daunts yesterday. It is very interesting and very helpful. Well, it has made me feel I am not going completely insane!
Keep up the good work.
Best wishes,
Diane
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Marge, I have loved you since the first time we met. You were never polite and you never said the appropriate thing, and I guess that’s what i love most about you. the blog is great and so are you! I remember your mother and you are very much like her, I guess. Talented, smart and unusual. Much love, Merle
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Marge,
As it turns out, obstinacy can be its own reward. Hang in there, girlfriend.
Love, Danny
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Hi Marge,
I often think about you and the memorable years at Conway Street. I enjoyed reading your take on the election, mind you I also remmber a framed betting slip with a £10 bet on Jesse jackson to be President (Rawle did point out it was more of a statement of faith than a financial gambit!!)
Hope you are feeling as well as is posssible
love JJ x
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dear margie,
loved having the lunch you organized, delivered and served during my work break yesterday. thank you so much.
you certainly are amusing, insightful and spirited in person and in blog.
hope we meet up soon. you inspired me to figure out a way to wrench myself away from my country spot and go to the theater some time in london.
much love and please come visit us > the menagerie and me….
jude -
Hi Margie
Sent you an e mail awhile back — thinking of you with love and admiration.
As I type this I begin my own chemo process_
– stage 3c breast cancer — boobies removed 6 weeks ago today. Am in mostly very good spirits
would love to catch up with you when your schedule allows.Sending lots of LOVE
Jane xxoo
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Hi Marge,
Haven’t read your blog for a long time and decided to “check in”. You are amazing – I love the humour and candid way in which you write. It brings a smile to my face every time.
Hang on in there and keep these blogs coming.
Love D xx
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Hi Marjorie I met you with Susan Rothchild I wish you streangth to go onward and keep fighting the good fight hoping it might get easier love DIna Knapp Miami Beach OXXOOXXO keep on keeping on
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Hi Marjorie. I stumbled over your blog. My mom died recently from a lymphoma. Diagnosis to death in less than 6 weeks. I am past the
deer-in-the-headlights phase but into the flat-to-angry phase. I find
reading your postings therapeutic.
Good luck and keep up the good fight.
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